Saturday, 6 March 2010
Canolbarth Cymru
I was in the Green Desert of Wales, eating chips that were greasy and tinned carrots cooked in sugar. The heartland. It's all right, we didn't come to cause trouble. Here we can cover our tracks, here you won't be dead too. Too stubborn. Maybe we could have saved them, who knows. The mess...wasn't your fault. You did everything you could.
Bounded to the north by Gwynedd, Denbighshire and Wrexham, clinging to the west by Ceredigion and Carmarthenshire fly to the east by Shropshire and Herefordshire; and to the south by Rhondda Cynon Taf, Merthyr Tydfil, Caerphilly, Blaenau Gwent, Monmouthshire and Neath Port Talbot.
Llywelyn the Last, Llywelyn ap Gruffydd, Gruff Lly, my last leader, not theirs. Met his death in 1244, falling....falling....escaping from the top of the Tower of London. This window to death bricked up and still seen by eyes today.
Do you not see the path of the wind and the rain?
Do you not see the oak trees in turmoil?
Cold my heart in a fearful breast
For the king, the oaken door of Aberffraw
The valley with its patchwork fields that lie like a hotchpotch quilt across the land, dotted with sheep but no souls. No souls for a day. The fairy tree, the swing, field one and field two and mind the nettles, because they sting. I thought one day the poplars would fall and land crashing onto the barn, the greenhouse, me.
The heart of Wales cut off from its lifeline from the rest of the world by the Beeching Axe, the reshaping of the railways, but the Wye Valley taxi man keeps on, ferrying.
Water-breaks-its-neck with the tall willowy man, and the three girls in matching dresses, across the old stone arched footbridge with views down into the waterfall gorge.
Sensible footwear is recommended and do not beat a dog with a stick.
Dead flies in the windowsill, the pictures on the walls, same questions asked, and the room with the dresses, always out of bounds. Boiled eggs by the Rayburn and Panda Pops right up high. And the ominous what is poisoning you poster on the fridge.
The visitors book in the dusty church where we saw the man that was not there and an untended grave.
Heather and gorse. Lucky and spiky. Badger sets at midnight.
My grandfather's namesake said see this layered sandstone among the short mountain grass. Place your right hand on it, palm downwards. See where the sun rises and where it stands at noon. Direct your middle finger midway between them. Spread your fingers, not widely. You now hold this place in your hand - the six rivers rise on the plateau on the back of your hand.
I hold it all in my head.
Friday, 5 March 2010
Septic Sceptic
I didn't mean to startle you. It's just I wanted to tell you about the American flag flying in the wind on a dark night in Apple Valley.
They've never met the visitor before but are very excited to do so, because they no longer want to be frightened by the mystery.
Just to find out what they have to say, I guess.
It's exactly as she pictured you know. The moon hangs like a low light in a 70's Italian bistro over the desolate one storey house in Apple Valley with the swing swinging alone like in all the horror films.
Greetings are made and the presence is open and happy. There was once a powerful man but there is also a warmth to him, and I am sure none of this makes...sense?
He liked to shoot guns.
Father Tom.
The candles lit in the hallway don't really help, blow them out for fuck's sake, don't yelp. He won't talk to the child. But he is safe so she is happy.
No doubt but no validation. This is bullshit.
And the crickets still vibrate and the flag suddenly stops blowing because there is no more wind.
Stay
I won't really go, I know I won't go, and I am trying as hard as I can to voice this.
I am sorry, I am apologising the best way I can.
You have nursed me, I am proud of you. It's always been just the two of us, so cling on, keep me close and here and keep me sane because sometimes the energy flows and sometimes it dies. Ebbs and flows. Slows and dies.
You are welcome.
Cycle
What do I do now? And I don't remember anymore. Anything else in the diary...the longest party I have ever been to, life.
All consuming and an identity of my own. Unfashionable triumph. And I worship its code, sounds and symbols. Its unrepentent irony and unforgiving unstoppable system.
Always the underdog, the small thing. You have millions of fans, and yes, you go that way. It's not nostalgia, and I haven't sold out please.
It becomes part of you and then you die. It is spectacular and embarrassing and faulty. Fireflies fall and I am awake but I am asleep. Paralysing. No magic numbers. No magic fingers. No system at all.
A haunting evidence, a residue of something I left behind. I can't and I won't. And no, I won't visit, and no, I am not the kind of person to leave flowers, or even send a birthday card. I have not sent a letter in years.
It is utter carnage at times, my head and this life.
It's a myth.
When they said my name there was no shock or suprise, no inflection. It's just I would like to have been remembered.
Life, I have an immense love for you, and I do try to feel you, but have to put some distance between us sometimes....and then I miss you, so open up the window and flow in before I change my mind.
Unstoppable Rise of the Young Sheep Car
I had the giddyness of someone who wasn't yet sure of what was happening to me. I had the love, the lust, the want but no means to carry this out, so had to climb to the top of the great tower of control with its death defying peaks and throw myself off in order to actually speak to you.
I was someone else that night, someone raw, nothing left of me. I sat, there, looking right of me...at...you and couldn't believe we were sharing the same air.
My world, it stopped.
I had a rabbit's heart beating more times a second than is possible to measure by an human scale.
You see, I get quite lonely.
The kind you don't take home to mother.
It was vital that my words were well turned out. I was like a hopeful piling into an audition and then forgetting all my lines. Something was going on and I think the going on was happening here, right now. Right...then.
I would be barefoot and pregnant and poor and lost only to find my way inside you. If only I could be certain that I could love you forever I would carve you into my existence and keep you, love, here always.
Carey
His book sat on the shelf for years. I would never imagine picking it up and reading any words from it. Title is all I knew. It was as much part of the room as the chipped skirting board and the eye in the wood on the door that looked like a fingerprint, a whorl.
Now I meet him in print twenty years on and I hear he says that love is like a salty sea, and I like this. He relaxes with Larazapam...read on. And that every 100 pages or so he has sex. His face is oh...so normal and his hair is just grey. Nothing remarkable about this man. Bob Dylan, he says, can play whatever he likes at his funeral.
And that she knows she is the love of his life.
I might pick up the story of the Cornish son of a Plymouth Brethren minister and the young Australian heiress who buys a glass factory.
Hunt
I was right all along.
This is the spot where we hid the treasure all those years ago. You didn't lose your memory at all, and you were never sick. We were just trying to be kind.
I'm sorry.
You have to return everything everyone ever gave you. I will do it. This hurts.
Puppets and frogs and witches and cats. Can you guess the odd one out? Find out if you got it right after the break. It won't hurt, won't feel a thing, the breaking.
I am the reigning champion and I am the king of this castle, and you my dear are nothing but a disgusting dirty rascal. Head, energy, neck, come to me direct. Visit me, adventure.
Jump into a bowl and swim through the plastic castle and wind, the fish food falls like rocks above you. Be careful, friend.
At the fair Rachel was winning prizes. She always wins these games and then gets dizzy. Inside was a very mysterious lady, perhaps she was called Mystic Mill, and she asks us to cross her palm with...bannanas...bannanas! And predicts big losses. But what about....me?
Step right up. Candy floss is the prize. The friends started fishing. We caught one and another but to me, this was impossible. And not fair. It has all come true. And we are in a pink flossy cloud, and we found our treasure.
Coast
I dream of the sound plates at Dungeness and the chalk at Dover. The Channel speaks to me and breaths life into me like a friend I always but never knew was there.
Metacarcinus Magister, Brachyura, Decapoda, Dakoticancroidea, frighten me and send shivers down my spine but still I want more.
Where the land meets the sea and where I meet my ultimate fear yet my beloved friend, always waiting, but always different. Gulf, shore, pelagic, bay. Agents of rocks and cliffs eroding and breaking, dipping and falling, crashing and rolling. I dream of Mermaids and pulsing jellyfish and wrecks with crabs scuttling through the eyes of skulls.
My extended outlook towards this millpond mass is echoed with the words of my childhood... Cromarty
Forth
Tyne
Dogger
Fisher
Bluff, stack, stump, slide away, swallow....me....whole and let me go. Boondocks, mudflats, ria, shoal, split and arc. Split and take me, over and over again. Up and down and over and over again. It's hurting my eyes and burning my throat but I am there and this makes me real, and beyond humanity.
And we are sleeping and we are sailing by...Fisher
German Bight
Humber
Thames
Dover
Wight
I am formerly Finasterre and formally covered in dust and layers of skin that I shed when in and dreaming of my Sole
Lundy
Fastnet
Irish Sea
Shannon
Rockall
Malin
Hebrides
Bailey
Fair Isle
Faeroes
And I love you. But every part of you terrifies me to my very core and the length of coastline reaches infinity...
Mare, el Mar, Mer, how long is the coast? And how long is my love for you?
Three
Fate pulled a cruel trick on you, because you would have made a great mum. What you you writing? I can usually work out where you are.
I think I am glad you did...and no too. But she knows. And...yes...maybe in a bit. You were wearing that the day before and on...Monday?
It's ok because you can always be the one we can call when we need some fun and dancing. And laughing in the rain. What's eating you up eh? Parasites in the womb not life.
You don't need it...there is plenty of time. It;s not essential. Hello, little man. Darling baby girl. If you think I am cute you should see my...daddy. Is he yours? Don't they grow up quick? Oh.
You want to stay then? I might have to go. If you do stay I can always...sorry. I can't do this...I can always...I can't, always. I want more. Sorry. It's not the end of the world, not like losing a limb.
Nothing can fill this hole.
Dirty.
I think I am glad you did...and no too. But she knows. And...yes...maybe in a bit. You were wearing that the day before and on...Monday?
It's ok because you can always be the one we can call when we need some fun and dancing. And laughing in the rain. What's eating you up eh? Parasites in the womb not life.
You don't need it...there is plenty of time. It;s not essential. Hello, little man. Darling baby girl. If you think I am cute you should see my...daddy. Is he yours? Don't they grow up quick? Oh.
You want to stay then? I might have to go. If you do stay I can always...sorry. I can't do this...I can always...I can't, always. I want more. Sorry. It's not the end of the world, not like losing a limb.
Nothing can fill this hole.
Dirty.
You and Me Words
I'm not hungry. Call me? Your name again? Get rid of him will you?
They will get the message and don't blame yourself. Had a great time last night, last time, next time, soon.
You....first. Why? Well, it was just a thought.
Bear with me
Bear with me
Bear with me
She doesn't want me here.
Bear with me
Bear with me
Bear with me
Likewise! There has been a lot I did not expect. You are not wrong. If you want to cry, yell, scream and shout go right...ahead. I believe in stuff. Sometimes.
Bear with me
Bear with me
Bear with me
I was going to go and see a medium. This is sometimes so painful I wish I had never met you. I would have felt any pain to have had one minute more with you.
Take your shoes off.
Bear with me
Bear with me
Bear with me
Behave yourself. Don't show off. Everyone can hear. It's bedtime. Make the most of it. I am going to make you so proud. That will be a first.
Bear with me
Bear with me
Bear with me
That's where I used to live. Don't you care? Are you interested in any of this shit? I thought it was you. I am sorry. I'm so so sorry. Better go. I'll treat you. Invite only? Private party, oh. Suprise party. Double shift I'm afraid.
Bear with me
Bear with me
Bear with me
Anytime, absolutely anytime, and I mean that. What the lady wants, the lady gets. Nobody goes to Margate on their birthday. I'll be truly happy if you just bear with me....bear here with me.
14 Second City
Detecting the patterns, making us safer, every living detail beating like a heartbeat, screams unheard of one in pain and laughs, as we, you.....they....laugh at nothing and everything but not at us or with us.
The person who missed the bus. The one that was far too early.
Mornings bring here- this came for you. I love you. Come back safe? See you next week then and any idea what food to buy? I cannot wait for tonight, this afternoon next week.
Click, click.
Excuse me.
Click, click.
Cheers.
Click, click.
Scrape.
How do I?
And how much?
This is lovely.
Click, click.
Too right she will.
Leave a message, yes it's me. Balance minus. She's got the morning off. Oh....sorry...oh. There had better be a reason. Sorry? A better reason? Sorry? A good reason? What did you say?
Safe and sound. Sounds are safe.
Click, click.
Milk?
For what it's worth.
It's all happened in 1234567891011121314 seconds and the patterns cannot and will not be detected again.
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